Have you ever been in a position where you are ultimately afraid of hurting someone who you know would literally catch a grenade for you? I am. I have always been the type of girl who always dreamed of falling in love and staying in love… but there came a time in my life where I was betrayed and all that dumb shit. I literally had to force myself to fall out of love. And must I say, I did quite a good job. But now, I’m stuck in a scenario where truthfully my heart is not getting what it desires and where my mind is focused elsewhere. This summer, I am taking two summer classes 5 days a week until August and classes start tomorrow. I am working a job during the weekends at a family friends business and hopefully working at another food chain as a server on weekdays after class. My concern is that I may or may not have time to spend with a guy who has given me what I deserved in a relationship. That and I want all A’s this summer!

Honestly, I am just exhausted from being in a long distance relationship. I mean, who wouldn’t be, right? I’m torn because as much as I love this guy, I hate the circumstance I am in. I used to cry every now and then.. cried a lot when I found out he was transferring to a random ass state. Now I’m numb to everything… If I am not pleased with the communication or something with the relationship, I really get upset and just become a whole different person. It’s so sad… Why am I questioning my own happiness? Honestly. I’m in a relationship with someone who loves me for me and will do anything for me… but I’m not truly happy. That’s a problem.. I don’t know why I’m not truly happy.. and I’ve been trying to figure it out for months. I don’t want to address the situation just yet only because I’m hoping maybe I’ll figure it out. But maybe I won’t. I don’t know. But all I do know is that sooner or later, I’m going to have to find an answer.